Feelings

When is Enough Enough??

How long does it take for us to realise that realistically we cannot do it all, that we are getting through our days, weeks, years even  just blindly getting through list after list.

Mondays are made out to  be the toughest day, but what happens when you realise that the name of the day is inconsequential? When days roll into each other and your recollection is fuzzy as you have blindly fumbled your way through another day of just basically getting through the necessities.

We enter life stages blindly, well some people do. I for one have tried so many ways to get a clear path only for some obstacle or another to stand in the way or divert my course. How and when do you decide its enough?

 

Daily Prompt: Blindly

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work

Will you still employ me tomorrow?

Dear Boss,

Its happened, I’ve finally lost my temper, my patience and my in house professionalism. After a tumultuous 3 years, I no longer recognise myself in the workplace. My passion has fizzled into despair, my longing for progress and expansion has dissolved and I hurt at the thought of heading into another workday. To you my work is as good as always, to you I’m still at my desk, still ticking the boxes and crossing the checks. To you I am the glue that holds it together, but that glue must be never heard of and never ever recognised.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want employee of the month, or a big pay raise, no extra bonus or gift, but a simple nod of thanks, a recognition of fact would be such a boost.

My colleagues don’t see me as an equal, nor do they have any idea what I do all day, least of all that their employment at times rests on my ability  to pull a rabbit from a hat (metaphorically of course). To them I rant, I’m moody and strict and oblivious to their roles. I’m not. I’m the background operating system that keeps it moving, pushes the force on and separates the positives from the negatives while holding onto the equilibrium with both hands.

So as I slowly wither and lose that spark of ingenuity and passion, I ask you to look around and see that maybe you need to take that second look beyond the surface and see the reality.

Yours

The girl in the office.

Family · Feelings

Time for ME….

Yes it sounds selfish and yes it certainly raises eyebrows when you bring it up in conversation but to be blatantly honest –its necessary. I have sat down several times since the dawn of 2018 with great plans to renew myself and go to the gym , meet friends, get my qualifications up to date the list is endless. But when push comes to shove, where are you supposed to fit that it?

I adore my son, my husband, our crazy dogs and all the madness that comes with them. Add to that, a full time job, his shiftwork pattern (or non-pattern), housework and the every day demands that come with life, I’m pretty much exhausted by 8.30pm every night.

In a world where you worship every moment you get to spend with your family, the guilt that takes over when you want to do something alone is unbelieveable. I am in a very enviable position of having grandparents who love to babysit, but actually wanting to ask them is another story. I love spending my time with our little man and am consumed by guilt every single day I go to work. I know its necessary, I know he will be cared for to the highest standards but when it comes to me, who actually sees that I have needs  too. Even typing that sentence sends a rack of guilt to the height of my chest. But its true. I don’t have time for me anymore.

The to-do list is never ending, the guilt about not walking the dogs far enough, or not having a fully nutritious dinner 7 days a week (yes i do count beans on toast as a dinner some days ) . I actually left slimming world cos that made me feel guilty!! Not the syns or the watching what you ate but the pure and utter effort to prepare everything nearly killed me. I am exhausted.

So tell me please, all of the parents out there, how is it that you seem to do it all but I can’t manage to read an email after 8.30pm without falling asleep.

 

 

Uncategorized

Phase..

In a world where every second person you speak to is a blogger, is it just a phase we all got through? I began my blog in February and didn’t touch it again until today. No i’m not going through a phase but I now have time to actually write. There are so many aspects to blogs but yet when i speak to people about them the current reaction i get is that its all beauty and fitness blogs and nobody speaks about the reality of life. In fairness though, most blogs do show very different aspects of life, even where there main topic might be beauty or fitness, other aspects that are true to them do pop up.

In a world where we are constantly told that journalism is no longer a true and fair view of the world, is blogging the actual pathway to truth and information? Many people have no other outlet for there interests and opinions, and at times some people will love to read your opinion, but it’s hard to start, its hard to put yourself out in the open and its definitely hard to get to the next phase of accomplishment and creativity without feedback.

So what do you do? Thats up to you! Blog, dont blog, tweet, don’t tweet. Your personal style is just that -personal. Whatever stage your at, make it your own and let your opinions take there place

 

 

Family · Uncategorized

Too old to parent….

In a world where IVF has allowed adults the ability  to conceive when in their seventies, how does TUSLA state that the grandparents of children are too old to care for them? If something happened to any parent who would they entrust their children to moreover their own parents?

We live in a state where it has been well documented that the grandparents of this generation are increasingly taking on the responsibilities of childminding as our own generation struggle to make ends meet in many cases. Never ending bills, long hours and anti-social work ethics make being a parent so much harder than what any of us ever dreamed of. Where exactly would we be without the nannies and grandads who help us meet these never ending demands, while trying to hold onto the hope that yes we can do all this and still be the parents we dreamed we would be.

I read the article in todays independent with such an outpouring of rage and compassion in my heart for these grandparents. What gives any agency the right to deem that a child is in a better position in foster care than in a family home, where both his school and the family doctors have confirmed that he is being cared for, and has been for the past 4 years. Their “pride and joy” as the grandfather describes him, has been torn from them for no better reason then there being a more than 40 year gap between the boy and his grandparents. In what world is this acceptable?

I will not pretend that I know the circumstances in this case, but surely a more reasonable and flexible option could have been given to this case, rather than ripping that child from his family.

Feelings · Uncategorized

Worries

I’ve just read an article about a 6 year old’s worry list, what in Gods name has a 6 year old to worry about I asked myself, and then I read the list. Some small details which as adults we would not even think twice about had this poor child frazzled. Its got me thinking about the worries we have and how we gloss over these small things in life when in all reality they can linger in the back of your mind for years and mount up to something huge. With the huge amount of talk being heard about Mental Health and the buzz word it has become lately, I still wonder do people actually look after their heads like we should. Do we need to list these things, address them or are we capable of running our lives with that inkling of guilt and doubt constantly following us?

 

In a world that consists of ever lasting to-do list, goals and achievements have we forgotten to appreciate who we are and what we do as it is?